School anxiety: how to cope if you're anxious about going to school
In this article we’ll cover:
What is 'school refusal'?Work out why you're feeling this wayDealing with issues at schoolCoping with mental health issuesTalk to someone you trustWork out a plan and take small stepsTake each day as it comesTake care of yourselfGet extra supportIf you’ve been experiencing a tough time and have felt like you can’t go to school because of it, you’re not alone. The number of young people refusing to go to school – commonly referred to as ‘school refusal’ or ‘school avoidance’ – has increased in recent years. While many students feel stressed about school from time to time, it’s a good idea to get extra support if the thought of being at school distresses you so much that you refuse to go.
What is 'school refusal'?
School refusal is when you become very distressed and anxious about going to school, to the point that you refuse to attend.
Are school refusal and wagging school the same thing?
School refusal is different from regular truancy or ‘wagging’ school, which is hidden from your parents or carers. School refusal isn’t hidden – it’s usually very direct and open, and your parents are aware.
What are signs that I’m experiencing school refusal?
You might feel distressed before attending school, have health complaints, regularly skip classes, leave school early, or be absent a lot. In some cases, attempting to attend – or even the thought of attending – school can cause physical symptoms like vomiting, refusing to eat, shaking, or panic attacks.
What causes school anxiety and school refusal?
There’s no single thing that causes someone to experience school refusal, but there are some common reasons for the distress associated with it:
being bullied
having difficulty coping with schoolwork
going through a major life event (e.g. death of a family member, parents going through a separation or divorce, moving, being away from family)
a mental health condition, such as:
Work out why you're feeling this way
If you can figure out the reasons why you’re feeling anxious, depressed or stressed, you can start to make things feel a bit easier. There are a bunch of reasons why you might feel sad, even if you’re not sure at first.
You could also give our ‘Checking in with yourself’ quiz a go – it can be a really helpful starting point for working out how you’re feeling.
Dealing with issues at school
Bullying
If you’re being bullied at school, it’s a good idea to find support by talking to someone you trust. Watch other students explain why talking to someone about bullying helps.
It can be challenging to open up about such a difficult topic, so do your best to be open and honest. Remember to be kind to yourself during this process. These five steps to talking to someone you trust can help you have the chat.
You can also take our quiz to get more options for dealing with bullying.
Having a tough time with schoolwork
Struggling with schoolwork can be really distressing, and it’s a common cause of school anxiety and not wanting to attend class. If you feel like you’re struggling to keep up at school, you're definitely not alone, so try not to be hard on yourself. If you didn’t achieve the results you wanted in a subject, it can be a really horrible feeling – but failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure. In fact, if you look at history books, there are plenty of stories of famous people at the top of their fields who experienced failure before their success. Check out some ideas for how to cope with failing a subject.
The best thing to do is to talk about it with someone you trust, like a teacher, school counsellor, parent or family member. Simply letting someone know you need extra support with schoolwork is the first step in making things much more manageable.
Coping with mental health issues
Depression
Feeling extremely low, or low for an extended amount of time (or both), means it’s probably a good idea to chat to someone about your mental health. Consider talking about how you feel with a GP. They can help you to work out what kind of support might be right for you. This might include a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist, but there are a lot of other professional help options available.
As well as chatting with mental health professionals, you could reach out to a trusted friend or family member for support or try some other self-help strategies for depression.
Anxiety
If you regularly feel anxious about going to school, you might want to look into your support options.
There are treatments available for anxiety, and health professionals can help you work out a plan for dealing with these feelings.
Our article on how to manage your anxiety and stress has lots of other tips that might work for you.
Other mental health issues
Dealing with other mental health issues, such as addiction, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, personality disorders, psychotic disorders, trauma, and self-harm, can all make it very hard to go to school.
If you’re concerned that you may be experiencing any of these mental health conditions or symptoms, the best thing to do is speak to a GP, who will be able to help you find treatment and support that works best for you.
Talk to someone you trust
Opening up to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional can really take the weight off your shoulders.
If you’re just looking for someone to listen rather than to come up with practical strategies, let them know this by saying something like, ‘I know you’ll probably want to suggest things to fix what’s going on, but honestly, right now, I just need someone to listen and be there for me.’ Learn more here about active listening and how it can help.
Free 1:1 chat
Anonymous online support
Need to talk? Try PeerChat, a safe and secure space to talk to a trained peer worker about what’s going on for you.
Work out a plan and take small steps
Anxiety and stress about going to school can seem overwhelming at times, but the best way to deal with it is to take it step by step. If you need support in coming up with a plan, a trusted person or mental health professional can help you create one.
For example, if you’re worried about falling behind at school, try breaking down your schoolwork into small tasks. So, if you haven’t written an important assignment and are struggling to get started, try writing 100 words and then taking a 10-minute break – then repeat.
Remember to celebrate any small steps you take towards your goal by doing something you enjoy.
Take each day as it comes
It’s important to take each day as it comes because every day can look really different. Maybe one day you feel okay about going to school, and the next day, you feel stressed or anxious.
Practising mindfulness is a good way to help you learn how to focus on the present moment and to take things one day at a time. You can practise mindfulness while you’re doing a task, such as focusing completely and mindfully on what you’re doing when you are going for a walk or drinking a cup of tea, or by taking some time out to practise mindfulness in a meditation session. Learn more about mindfulness here.
Take care of yourself
Maintain a healthy lifestyle
Trying to work towards developing or maintaining a healthy lifestyle can really help with your overall wellbeing. Here are some ways to do this:
Eat a nourishing diet.
Do regular exercise, whether that’s walking, running, boxing, yoga, or something else you enjoy.
Avoid drugs and alcohol.
Maintain a regular sleep schedule and aim for eight to ten hours a night.
Develop and stick to a routine as much as possible. This might include times for sleeping, eating, doing things you enjoy and schoolwork.
Practise self-care
A little self-care goes a long way. If you’re not sure what self-care is right for you, try doing our quiz to get some ideas.
You could try:
doing a YouTube exercise or yoga class
going on a picnic with a friend
baking some cupcakes
watching a series on Netflix
listening to an uplifting or informative podcast
making a cup of tea and drinking it mindfully
having a ‘tech-free hour’
choosing a random book at the library and taking time out to read it.
Self-care doesn’t have to take heaps of time – even 5–10 minutes a day spent on caring for your wellbeing can be really helpful in lowering your stress levels.
Get extra support
Here are some ways to get extra support if you need it:
Speak to a friend or family member about what’s going on.
Talk to a teacher at your school about a school return plan. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, you could ask your parent or carer to do it. A school return plan might include options such as returning for half a day at first and gradually increasing your time at school. Your school might also be able to offer you reduced homework or extra tuition.
Make an appointment with your GP, who will be able to suggest treatment and support. They can refer you to a mental health professional if needed.
Contact a mental health line or chat service such as Lifeline or Kids Helpline if you need immediate support.
Want to know more about coping when you're feeling anxious? For answers to your questions, Ask ReachOut.
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