Your how-to guide for safe sex

If you’re thinking about having sex for the first time, or you’re relatively new to sex, it can be pretty overwhelming trying to figure out how to stay safe. We’ve put together this guide to help you cover your bases for safe sex, so that you and your partner/s can feel more confident and comfortable in the bedroom.

This can help if:

• you're planning to have sex

• you want to know what safe sex is

• you want to practise safe and protected sex.

1. Know what safe sex is

Safe sex is any sexual contact you have while protecting yourself and your partner from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancy. While there’s no way to guarantee that sex will be 100 per cent safe, there are things you can do to make it safer. 

2. Communicate with your sexual partner

The number one thing about practising safe sex is making sure that you and your sexual partner are on the same page. Talking about sex can feel awkward when you’re unpractised, but it will help to ensure that the sex you have is safe and respectful. It’s a good idea to have a chat before things get hot and heavy, when it will be easier to stay level-headed. Things to talk about include:

• whether you’re ready to have sex

• what you want to do in the bedroom

• whether you’ve had sexual health checks recently

• if you have STIs 

• STI prevention methods and contraception. 

Remember that their answers don’t mean that you don’t need to use protection. Also, talk beforehand about using condoms and/or dams, and discuss who will buy them or get them for free from a family planning service or a Freedom Condom registered provider.

3. Know about consent

Consent is when both you and your partner have a mutual agreement about sex that is informed, enthusiastic and freely given. It means communicating with each other before and during sex to check that you are both happy and comfortable with what’s taking place. Remember that you or your partner can change your mind at any point, including during sex. Read more about sexual consent.

4. Get your contraception sorted

You should use STI prevention methods and/or contraception during any sexual contact to prevent STIs and/or unplanned pregnancy. There are lots of different types of contraception. Male and female condoms protect against both STIs and pregnancy. Male condoms are available over the counter from most supermarkets, service stations, chemists or convenience stores, and female condoms can be bought at sex shops and some chemists. You can get free condoms by going to a family planning centre or through the Freedom Condom program.

There are other types of contraception, such as the pill, the IUD and diaphragms, but these don’t protect against STIs. 

Read more in this guide about STIs.

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5. Practise safe oral sex

You can get an STI from having unprotected oral sex. Reduce the risk by using condoms and dental dams during oral sex, or by avoiding oral sex if either of you has cuts or sores in, on or around your mouth or genitals, or a sore throat (infections can be more easily passed on during this time).

6. Help prevent HIV

Condoms, used with a water-based lubricant, are still the most effective way to reduce the risk of HIV, but they are no longer the only option. Some HIV negative people who are at ongoing risk of acquiring HIV are taking pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) to help prevent HIV.

7. Get a sexual health check

The only way to know for sure if you have an STI or not is to have a sexual health check every year, or more frequently if you have new or multiple partners. It’s also good to get checked after having unsafe sex,  if you can’t remember if you used safe sex precautions, or if a previous or current partner informs you that they have an STI. 

STI tests are available from your doctor and at sexual health clinics, and are simple and confidential. Usually, they involve a urine sample and/or a genital swab. If your results show that you have an infection, your previous and/or current sexual partner/s will also need to be tested and treated, otherwise, they may pass it back to you or to someone else. It can seem embarrassing to have a sexual health check, but remember that doctors have seen it all befor,e and it’s important to have peace of mind about your sexual health.

Find out how to get a sexual health check.

8. Be safe with strangers

If you’re planning on having sex with someone you don’t know very well, or someone you met online (say, on a dating app), it’s a good idea to let a friend know where you are, and when they can expect to hear from you. As with any new partner, it’s also important to talk about sexual health and consent, and remember to have condoms and/or dental dams on hand in case you do decide to have sex. Remember that having them available doesn’t mean you have to have sex, and it’s a good idea to communicate early on with the other person if you don’t want to have sex with them

9. What to do if you've had unsafe sex

If you’ve had sex without using a condom, or if the condom breaks or comes off, don’t panic; there are steps you can take to minimise your risks. STI tests can easily be performed by your GP and at sexual health clinics. You can also head to the pharmacy and ask for the emergency contraceptive pill. It’s around 85 per cent effective at preventing unplanned pregnancy when used within 24 hours of having sex, but it can still be used for up to 96 hours (four days) afterwards. However, its effectiveness drops over time, and by day five, it’s only about 50 per cent effective

10. Become familiar with LGBTQIA+-friendly sexual health services

There are dedicated LGBTQIA+ support services that direct you to suitable clinics near you. DocLIST also has a directory of doctors recommended by lesbian and bisexual women.