Your guide to getting along with your housemates

Moving into a share house is a big step. It can be amazing – a ticket to independence, new friendships and late-night chats in the kitchen. But sharing your space and your life with other people isn’t always easy. 

Whether it’s dirty dishes left in the sink or different ideas about what ‘clean’ means, living with housemates can sometimes lead to tension. Whether you’re about to move in with new people or are currently dealing with some challenges, this guide can help. 

Getting on the same page from the start

When you first move in together, it can feel a bit awkward to talk about your expectations. But a chat early on can prevent a lot of misunderstandings. It helps to set clear and fair expectations that everyone can agree to. It’s best to do these things before you move in together, but it can be done at any time.

Here are a few key things to discuss:

• Creating a system for splitting bills and rent.

• How you’ll communicate with each other and stay organised.

• Sharing the cleaning and household chores.

• Agreeing on some basic expectations for cleanliness.

• Setting boundaries for having guests over, hosting parties or having partners stay the night.

• Respecting each other’s personal space.

• Deciding how you’ll handle disagreements if they come up.

Make time for the fun stuff

It’s easy to fall into a routine with housemates where your only conversations are about whose turn it is to buy toilet paper. Instead, try to build a real relationship with the people you live with, especially if you weren’t mates to begin with. It will make it much easier to handle tough conversations when they come up.

Try setting aside some time just to hang out together, with no talk of house admin allowed. You could:

• have a regular Sunday dinner

• start watching a new TV series together

• head out for a coffee or a walk on the weekend.

How to handle problems when they come up

Even with the best intentions, conflicts can still happen. When you’re feeling frustrated with a housemate, it can be tempting to try and ignore them or to send them a passive-aggressive text. But there are more constructive ways to handle it.

Talk about the problem directly and in person

These days, most share houses use a group chat to stay organised, and if people are on especially different schedules, they’ll use that group chat to share information and to trash-talk their landlord. But we’re warning you: don’t use that group chat to settle disputes, unless you have no other option. Yes, it can be easier to type your feelings than to express them in person. But nothing beats a face-to-face conversation for communicating your own feelings about a situation calmly while also acknowledging your housemate’s take on it. The empathy you’ll develop from learning how to do this will help you build the skills you’ll need to handle tough situations both at home and in life generally. If something is bothering you, it’s best to bring it up directly with the person in a calm face-to-face conversation.  If you're not sure how to begin, you can find some practical tips for communicating effectively.

Take time out

When you're constantly butting heads with someone, even small things can start to feel like huge issues. If you notice you’re feeling less patient or more easily annoyed, it might be a sign that you need a break. 

Stepping out of the house for a walk, to grab a coffee or just to sit in a park for a while can help you to clear your head and feel calmer.

Knowing when it’s time to find a new place

You don’t have to be best friends with your housemates, but it’s important that you feel comfortable and safe in your own home. If you’ve tried to resolve ongoing issues and nothing has improved, it’s okay to decide that leaving is the best option for you.

Your wellbeing should always come first. Talk things through with a trusted friend or family member who can offer a fresh perspective. It's also a good idea to understand your rights as a tenant in your state or territory, so that you know the correct process for ending your lease.

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