Dealing with your own violent behaviour

Violent behaviour is when you’re physically harming others, or causing them to fear harm from you. Violent behaviour comes in many forms. Drugs and alcohol usually make violent behaviour worse. If you’re being violent, there are things you can do to understand and stop your destructive behaviour.

This can help if:

• you get angry often, or know someone who does

• you want to stop your violent behaviour

• you want to manage your anger better.

What counts as violence?

Violence is basically any behaviour that physically hurts other people or makes them afraid of being hurt. Physical violence is sometimes linked to other negative behaviours, like emotional abuse, bullying and discrimination. Physical violence also includes sexual assault.

Where does violence come from?

There are many factors that can make a person behave violently. You might be violent because:

• you’re frustrated, angry or pissed off

• you want to control someone else

• you’re repeating behaviours you’ve learnt from others.

How to control your own violent behaviour

It’s important to understand that violence isn’t okay, and in most cases is actually illegal. If you’re prone to being violent, there are ways that you can manage your anger and learn how to control your aggressive behaviour:

Reflect on how you're behaving

Take an honest look at yourself and your behaviour. Does your behaviour hurt other people and damage your relationships? If it does, it’s worth seeking help.

Try to understand what brings up angry feelings

Think about the people and situations that make you angry. Make a list of all the triggers you can think of. Knowing what they are will make it easier to avoid them.

For more information about the causes of anger, read our guide to everything you need to know about anger.

Make a plan for when you feel overwhelmed

Try to prepare ahead of time and come up with a plan in case you find yourself in a situation that triggers your anger. Your best option is to remove yourself from that situation, before you do anything violent, until you calm down.

Counting to 100 seems pretty basic, but it also works really well as an anger management strategy. Thinking about something other than what’s making you upset for 100 seconds can help you avoid blowing a fuse. It gives you a chance to gather yourself and your thoughts before you do anything else.

Check out our tips for managing your anger.

Talk to someone about what's happening

It’s hard to deal with anger and violence on your own. You might feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk to someone about your violent behaviour, but there are people that can help and that won’t judge you.

Try talking to someone you trust, like a friend, teacher or family member. If you'd rather talk to a mental health professional, someone like a counsellor, youth worker, GP or psychologist can help you understand what’s going on and suggest ways to change how you react to things. Learn more about the different types of mental health professionals.

You could even join ReachOut's Online Community and talk with other young people who get how you’re feeling and can share their own anger management strategies.

Getting help with drug and alcohol problems

Taking drugs or drinking alcohol can make violent behaviour much worse, as being high or drunk reduces your inhibitions and your ability to control your emotions. Getting help with your drug or alcohol use can significantly decrease your chances of behaving violently. A doctor, nurse, counsellor or psychologist can help you get the right support for your issues with drugs and alcohol.

Learn more about getting professional support or Ask ReachOut for how to get the support you need.